Saturday, March 31, 2012

Confessions from Behind the Counter, Part 1

As I may or may not have detailed on here, I work in a pharmacy part time to supplement our income. I have never had any desire to be any kind of health care worker; working in the pharmacy is a part time gig to make ends meet. However, I have had some CRAZY experiences working in a rural Mississippi pharmacy. Here are some of my more...exceptional... memories.

1. There's this one guy that comes in, we'll call him "Lil Jon". Lil Jon is one of my regular customers. Now, I call him Lil Jon because he sounds JUST FREAKING like Lil Jon. He doesn't say too much but his "YEEEEAAAAHHH" and "SAAAY WHAAAAAT?" sound just like the rapper. Whenever I see him coming, I start giggling like a crazy person. And one time, while I was waiting on him, he pulled out everything in his pocket to get his money....marijuana included. I stood there dumbfounded....the man hands me a five dollar bill and a bag o' weed (accidentally)... it doesn't get more comical than that. O yea, then he yells "I'M 'BOUT A NICKEL SHORT!" So I gave him a nickel, he got his medicine, got his weed, and I was barely able to hold in my laughter until he was out of the door.

2. I have been bled on...twice. The first time I was bled on, it wasn't such a big deal. The lady had sliced her finger and had just gotten back from the ER. She was all bandaged up...but the cut just kept bleeding. She was leaking through her bandage onto her money/my hand. I wasn't happy, but it wasn't anything that some germ-x and hand soap couldn't cure. BUT THE SECOND TIME...that is a whoooole different story.
So guy comes in with a prescription for an antibiotic because dude has a STAPH infection. He hands said prescription over to the pharmacist and he is told it'll be a 20 minute wait. So dude thinks, "No big deal....I'll chill and wait." 15 minutes later I call dude and let him know that after the two other people in line, he is next. SO what does any normal person do in this situation??? Why...check one's blood sugar of course. Duh! So while dude is waiting in line for his RX, he decides to check his blood sugar in his OPEN WOUND in which he has a STAPH INFECTION. Yea, it's gross. So dude is in line checking his blood sugar when I fatefully call his name to let him know his RX is ready. Big mistake, Nicole. Dude is fumbling with his testing strip and his wound has started to bleed uncontrollably at this point...but nooooo, dude is oblivious to this. I tell him it'll be a dollar ten and he gives me a dollar bill and a big ole gush o' blood all on my hand. O yes, he bled staph all over me. Yea, I don't get paid enough for that shit.

3. A really cute guy (don't tell Caleb) comes in to get some meds for his sick puppy. (All together now, "Aaawwwwwww") My boss and I are both puppy lovers who regularly exchange puppylove stories. So Cute Guy with Sick Puppy hands over the RX. My pharmacist, being the puppylover that he is, starts asking all the standard puppy questions..."How old is it? Boy or girl? What's it's name?' and so on. Cute Dude kind of fumbles all these questions, but neither I nor my pharmacist think too much of it. I check out Cute Dude with alleged puppy. No big deal....UNTIL....about 5 minutes after I check out Cute Dude, my coworker starts yelling at me to come to our big drive-thru window. Cute Guy has pulled over to the side of the pharmacy and is hunched over with his head inside his trunk.
"O, he is probably just trying to give his sick pup its medicine."
"No, Nicole, dude just lit up a pipe"
"What? Nah-uh. He is just giving his dog some meds and big deal"
O, if only I knew.
Next thing I see is dude whipping out his crack pipe. Like legit, as-seen-on "Intervention" crack pipe.  He doesn't even take the pills out of their casing....just dumps 15 pills into his pipe and lights that shit on a PUBLIC PARKING LOT.
Again...I am dumbfounded...I thought the dude had a sick I was feeling sorry for the dog, asking 10 billion questions from one fellow puppy owner to the next...and it turns out dude probably never even had a dog. He just picked up some stray in the hopes of getting a prescription and getting high in a parking lot....That makes me mad on a whole new level...

I think three pharmacy stories is enough for ya'll for now...but believe me, there are plenty more where that came from. Like the time I was called a "F***ing retard"...yea, that is one of my favorites and you're going to have to stick around for Confessions Part 2.


  1. i can't imagine how crazy your other stories are after reading these!
    so funny.

    xx jes, newest follower from the magnolia pair!