Tuesday, March 26, 2013

I'm still here and I'm still pregnant

So it's been a whole. I assumed once I got pregnant that this little blog would be blowing up with posts about the baby, the pregnancy, the nursery....you know, stuff bloggers eat up.

But strangely I have felt an intense urge not to write. To keep this journey close to my heart. I'm not sure where that comes from, I live my life fairly openly, but its there. Maybe because my life has turned upside down. A lot of plans that had been in place for years are now gone. And that makes me a little sad and a lot worried. Do I regret giving up my plans for this sweet baby? Not for one minute. But I also this it is ok for me to be a little sad my life is taking a detour into the unknown and unexpected. If you know me, uncertainty is NOT my cup of tea.

But here I am, Nearly halfway through this pregnancy. In 5 months, I'll get to meet my child. The child I made with the love of my life. The child that will undoubtable have bits of my mom and my grandmother, two women I never really knew but will I get to see glimmers of them through my child.

And that's what makes everything ok at the end of the day. Sure I am giving up dreams like a summer in Paris, full time graduate school, and a disposable income, but I am becoming someone's mother. And that has always been my biggest dream.

Nicole.