Monday, November 25, 2013

A baby changes everything

I am not a morning person. Never have been and never will be. Even as a baby, i wanted to stay up until midnight and sleep most of the morning. I just do not function like a normal person before 10 am. No matter how many Mountain Dews I have, I am sleepy, groggy and grumpy. This is a bit problematic as my son thinks 8am is sleeping late. Usually he is up around 6:30 or 7. I always let him cry for just a few minutes, begging the gods that he will quiet himself down and go back to sleep. So far, this has worked 0 times, but I'm still trying. 

But I'll reluctantly go pick him up, pouting the whole way to the crib, praying that he will have my sleeping habits as he gets older. I'm bleary eyed and quiet as I look into Wilson's crib, but he senses its me. It's his mama, his favorite person in the whole world. He sees me and gives me a big, gummy baby smile and coo. And in that moment, no matter how sleepy I am, I am thankful to be awake with my sweet boy. The grump fades, I smile back at him, scoop him up and give him 10,000 morning kisses. (Maybe not 10,00 but its a whole bunch) 

They say that having a baby changes you. And I knew in some ways, my life would change. But I never would have imagined just how much life would change; how much I would change as a person. How little things like waking up in the mornings would change my whole mindset. This little person I made is growing and changing every day, but he is also helping me grow and change. Being a mom, just for 12 weeks has already fundamentally changed me. And it is for the better. Motherhood makes me better. Wilson makes me better. And with each day, I only hope I can grow and change more, change into the best mama that I can be. He deserves nothing less. 

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