Thursday, November 21, 2013

Sometimes spit up happens at the right moment

Sometime I find myself getting ahead of myself. I start thinking about Wilson's first day of kindergarten and then sending him off to college and then him getting married. Imagining what all these life events will hold for him and me as his mom. And while I am so excited for him to grow and learn, I often get really sad. I don't want him to grow. If he grows, he will be more independent and need me less. I need my baby to need me. 

Yesterday I was talking to Caleb and Wilson. I was telling Wilson that he better marry a woman (or man) that I get along with, that I most certainly wasn't going to give away my baby boy to just anyone. I started to tear up when I reminded Wilson that no one will ever EVER love him as much as I do. And I full on started crying when I realized that one day, Wilson may love his wife (or husband) more than me. 

So I'm sobbing at the notion of my baby boy being grown and leaving me when Wilson gets this huge grin and then spits up everywhere!

And all I could do was laugh (and clean him up, of course). He brought me out of that scene 25 years down the road and very abruptly brought me back to the present. The present where Wilson is an itty bitty baby who still needs me wholeheartedly. He reminded me he is a two month old, and won't be grown for a long time. 

I don't need to worry and cry about what will happen one day. What matters is right now. I don't want to be so caught up in the future that I forget to enjoy the here and now. 

So here is to trying to enjoy these fleeting baby moments. To trying not to worry about the future. And to praying that when Wilson does get married, that his wife understands who was here first. 


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