Yes, we cosleep, something I swore I would never ever do.
Not that I have anything against cosleeping. It's a perfectly fine way for some families to get precious, precious sleep. I'm all for maximizing sleep for new parents. But it's not something I ever wanted to do. I'm a fitful sleeper. I toss and turn. It takes me forever to fall asleep and I wake up super easily. Not to mention Caleb is the loudest snorer I have ever heard. It's not conducive to productive sleep to throw a baby between us. We have enough sleep issues already.
It started over Christmas when we were visiting family. Caleb, Wilson and I slept upstairs in my old bedroom. It's a pretty small room so Wilson's pack and play was right next to the bed. We were all in a weird sleeping arrangement, and all of us weren't sleeping well. After a night of hourly wake ups, I was desperate for some sleep. So I laid Wilson on my chest and got in bed. And Wilson slept until 9:30 the next morning. It was glorious.
So after that night, whenever Wilson would wake at night, we would bring him to our bed and snuggle him close. And he sleeps so well. I, however, do not. I'm uncomfortable and scared to move. I can't fall completely asleep because I'm nervous I'll roll on him and smother him. And I have to punch Caleb 485489 times to stop snoring.
Wilson goes down in his crib just fine. And he will sleep there happily until he wakes himself up. And after that, he will no lay in the crib. So I'm not sure where else to let him sleep. And at 3 am, I don't have the will to make him sleep in his crib.
I don't know how to feel. On one hand, I can't say that I don't love snuggling with my baby. And I'm glad he is getting some good rest. But it's at the sacrifice of my sleep. I really want Caleb and my bed to be our bed. As in "no kids allowed". I need somewhere and some time that I'm not with my child and exclusively with my husband (even if we are asleep). I'm just quite conflicted about it.
We are cosleeping. Not all night. And not voluntarily. But we are. Just another thing I swore I would never do, that I am now in the middle of. I'm not sure how long we will cosleep but I have a feeling it might be a while. We will see.
Here's a collage of my sleeping baby. When he is that cute and sweet, how could I deny him?