I'm having a really hard time with the lack of "me time" lately. I know I need some time to just chill, but there seems to be not enough time in the day. Caleb tries to give me time on the weekend, but I hate to hear him and Wilson playing and having fun without me. Or worse, I can't stand to hear Wilson crying. It's like an impossible to ignore urge to rush to my crying child. 95% of the time, he is crying over nothing and it doesn't matter if I am there or not. But I'm always afraid that it's the other 5% and he really, really, really needs me. I think I may be overly attached to my child.
We took Wilson for his 9 month well visit Wednesday. Wilson is growing and developing right on track but the kid SCREAMED through the entire appoinent. He did NOT like the nurses and doctor touching and holding him. He held on to me so tight the entire time. It broke my heart that I had to make him let go. I felt like I was breaking his trust by making him go away from me to the doctor. It was hard. He has some very serious "stranger danger" right now. I know separation anxiety and fearing strangers starts around 9 months but I didn't realize how bad it was until the doctors visit.
On top of everything else, Wilson is cutting his top left tooth and it has been rough. He has been so cranky and irritable. He cries over everything. His little feelings are so sensitive already, and tooth pain on top of that is just recipe for a miserable baby and mom. His sleep has been off too. I got so tired of getting up every 45 minutes (I am not exaggerating) that I finally just put him in our bed between us. Wilson and Caleb slept like babies but I was uncomfortable and barely slept. We did that every night this week so I'm putting my foot down tonight and making Caleb get up with him. I need some sleep. It's the only me time I can get these days.
And for the cherry on this (so far) sucky month, my great aunt died today. I only met the lady once so I'm not really sad. But I'm sad that I'm not sad. I'm sad I didn't get to know her. I recently saw some pictures of her when she was young and it is eerie how much she and I look alike. It's odd to see a photo of an almost stranger but almost mistake them for yourself. I'm mostly sad for her family and for my dad.
Just a whole lot of crappy emotions over here. I'm hoping next week will be better.
Here is some Wilson to make your day.