But yesterday I saw a posting for a job that sounded great for me and seems like something I would really enjoy. I decided to apply and just see what happens. As soon as I submitted the application, however, I was hit with a wave of sadness and anxiety. Am I really ready to quit my stay at home mom job?
I don't know the answer to that question. There are pros and cons each way. I was weighing my options with Caleb and he reminded me how much I complain about staying at home. Which he is totally right. I DO complain a lot (I think I'm just a naturally whiney person). But there are tons of great, awesome, amazing things about being a stay home mom.
For the sake of looking on the bright side and not believing the grass is greener on the other side, I thought I'd list some of my favorite things about my life as a stay at home parent.
1. I know Wilson and his personality inside out, upside down, and any other direction imaginable. I know his moods. I know his cries. I know his poop schedule. I know my child intimately and I really appreciate that closeness. It feels good to be that in tune and in sync with another person.
2. Pajamas (for both of us) all day, if w want.
3. I don't miss a second of Wilson's life. I literally watch him develop and grow daily. I see little moments of growth and discovery, like when he learns to dance or climb the furniture. I see the little cogs turning in his mind when he plays with a new toy. It's amazing to watch these moments. I know that I'll always remember them and appreciate them, where if Wilson were in daycare, these little things wouldn't even be noticed.
4. Along with knowing Wilson so well, it is easy for me to tell when he is off. I could tell he didn't feel well (teething) the moment he woke up today.
5. There is no better feeling in the world than Wilson snuggling his head in my shoulder and rocking my sleeping baby. Kissing his sweet face while he is asleep and rubbing my cheek in his soft hair is the best.
6. Sometimes Wilson will just walk up to me and pat my leg to say "I'd like to sit in your lap". So I pick him up and we cuddle. Usually for just a minute before he is off to play again, but those few minutes are pure gold. It feels good knowing he wants to be with me.
7. I am allowed to have a bad day. I can't get fired for screwing up or losing my cool. It happens, but I move on. Wilson forgets nearly instantly and he usually forces me to laugh and smile within minutes. We don't dwell on the bad.
8. It doesn't matter what I look like. Most days I brush my hair, throw it up, brush my teeth and that's it. I'm ready for the day. I wear makeup maaaaybe once a week and I can probably count on one hand the number of times I've "done" my hair since Wilson has been born. It's quite freeing not to have to worry about how I look everyday.
9. I am Wilson's friend, teacher, chef, comforter, explorer and so many other titles. We do everything together. We have fun together.
10. I don't miss anything in Wilson's life. I asked Caleb if he felt like he missed out on Wilson's life and e admitted that he did a little. Then I told him to imagine if he didn't have me giving him daily updates and pictures. Caleb said he would really feel like he was missing out then.
And I don't want that for myself. I really wish that Caleb didn't have to miss out, but we obviously have to have an income. But I don't want to feel like I've missed my child's life. He is the most important part of my life.I don't want to miss out on his development. Wilson may be our only child, so I really want to soak up as much of this time as possible. I don't want to miss it.
So I don't really know how much longer I'll be at home with Wilson. I'm just going by what I think is best for our family. That may be a few more weeks or another year. I just don't know right now. But I do know that I'm going to try to focus on all the good parts of being a stay home mom because it will come to an end eventually.
Wilson has the cutest, most dimply baby butt I have ever seen. He also loves being naked. We give him a few minutes of naked time every night after his bath and he walks around his rooms with a huge smile, beating his chest, and shrieking. It is hilarious.