Thursday, August 28, 2014

Reflections on an (almost) year of motherhood

One year ago today was Wilson's due date. One whole year. I've been a mother for nearly one whole year. That blows my mind just a little. The fact that I'm a mother at all still sometimes blows my mind. 

A whole year. A year ago today, I had absolutely no idea what I was in for. No new parent really does. Of course I read all the books and took the classes, but no one can prepare you for how much parenthood rocks your world. It changes you in ways previously unimaginable. 

This year has been a year of learning. Learning how to change a diaper. Learning how to function on no sleep. Learning to calm down. Learning to let things go. Learning to distinguish between a hungry cry and a sleepy cry. Learning to appreciate 5 whole minutes alone. Learning to give more when I feel like I have nothing left. Learning I'm not perfect. Learning to find the greatest joy in sitting on the couch, reading a book as a family. 

More than anything, learning what it means to truly love. I love Wilson more than I ever thought a person could love. Not only did I learn what it means to love my baby, I also learned to love my husband in new ways. Becoming a family of 3 has definitely changed My relationship with Caleb, but it's all for the better. Not to be judgey, but I really think married couples without children are missing out on something special. 

I think the biggest lesson I've learned throughout this year is that I was meant to do this. I have wanted children for as long as I can remember. I've never had much career ambition, I only wanted to be a mom. While I was pregnant with Wilson, I had a fear that I wouldn't like being a mom or be good at it. I was scared the one thing I had always wanted wouldn't live up to the hype in my head all those years. And honestly, motherhood is so dramatically different than how I imagined. It's a million times harder. But it is also a million times better. There were definitely times I questioned if I could do this, if I could do the stay at home mom thing. But I feel really confident now that I am doing the right thing. I love being Wilson's mom. I love motherhood. I am meant to do this. 

In just a few short days, my baby will be 1. I feel like this is big moment in his life, but really, this is just the first of many, many birthdays. And as big and old as I feel Wilson will be when he turns 1, he will only continue to get bigger and older. But I have a suspicion that no matter how old Wilson is, he will always be my baby. He will always be the baby that made me a mother. I know I will look back on this first year of motherhood for the rest of my life. It has been the hardest and best year I'll ever have. 

I can't wait to see what challenges, surprises, and happiness my second year of motherhood will bring. 

1 comments:

  1. I was the complete opposite, swearing that I never wanted to have kids. Ever. A few years ago something changed and I felt like I could actually be a mom. I think a lot of it was fear and I didn't know if I could really be ok with my life being all about someone else. Motherhood has definitely changed me for the better, that's for sure. Our kiddo's are almost ONE. Wow. Where has the time gone?

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